I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
