i think my tv is drunk
I'm jealous of your bromance
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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