At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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