I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
