It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
