Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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