Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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