Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
