So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
