is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
