do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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