dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You ever have a fart follow you around?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
