If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
