just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
