My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
