you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
