I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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