She is in my trunk
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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