Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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