i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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