the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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