But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
