i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
do nipples grow back?
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