I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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