You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dick very happy bro
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
