Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
