my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it's great music for shaving your balls
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
