You don't have asthma, your pregnant
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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