haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You took a bar mat shot.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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