Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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