the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
