I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
