i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
