hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
