Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
