you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
