I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
