so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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