Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
