So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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