somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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