my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
