i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
