Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
