So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize