Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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