That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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