i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Actions speak louder than pants.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
