as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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