i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
