not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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