I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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