DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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