imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
