Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
