Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
