she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
