Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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