I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
