She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
