just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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