I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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