I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
