Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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