you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
sex in a hospital.. check
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
