They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i may or may not be watching the land before time
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
