Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
