My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You dont lie about slip and slides
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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