Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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