remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
