I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
