Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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