at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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