I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
