Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Randomize
