I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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