I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
