I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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