Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
