so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
