So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
